Looking for a deeper hole to dig myself out of after some interesting loop pedal tricks went astray.
To no surprise the venue was pretty much dead, relying on the pull of the musicians and the musicians themselves to keep the bar busy. I settled in to do a quick sound check and then checked out to get some cash. This is when I passed Koko's, which had a line around the corner of 200 people or so. I couldn't help but doubt myself... how else am I suppose to feel? Now, I not here to sound self loathing or have you reaching for your mini-violins, ready to play the worlds saddest symphony. I have a great life and am very fortunate in many many ways. I am aware that things could be much worse off. But, to not feel a pang of pointlessness, when you have walked from your Wednesday night gig that would feel full with 20 people in it (of which 1/4th of that are even there), to passing a jammed Kokos, something would be clearly wrong. Certain things can't get you down though and if they did I would have given up on playing live a long time ago. I have grit. I have passion. Sometimes, it's nice to think what if - but it also these cold reminders that make you ask why you do the things you love, what motivates you to do them and what keeps the desire alive.
My friends that came and supported, saw a musician, playing guitar, singing the songs he'd written, saying the words he chooses to say. Performing them out of love and passion. Needless to say that many musicians can say that, and get paid for it. But how often have you heard big label bands moan about companies wanting to do things their way, groups touring til they split, the massive debts bands need to recoup before they get a penny, the splash of a little cash tearing a band apart because they thought they'd made it, the measly percentage bands get per CD sale. So much pressure that musicians blow their heads off rather than fade away, lose themselves on a misty night, indulge to escape tomorrow.
Back in the groove with some sweet falsetto.
The performance itself was solid. People took a few snap shots. Some even tapped along, one even watched interestedly (turns out that person was in the final band and later that evening said to me, in a tone split between a threat and an invitation - "you'd better stick around"). By the end of the gig their were a number of people in the crowd, all of which were very supportive and generous with their applause. Sometimes, those moments, even if my mind is telling me are coated in British politeness, get lost to the inner critic putting me down. Like I only hear the tail of the applause. An applause all the same - the right of any live music performance. In a scene that could start to draw paralells with a rare sighting of the Tasmania Tiger on Van demons Land, an endanger species is fighting to be seen.
Excuse us - an intimate moment with my baby.
Oh - and check out these great pictures from the show. There are some other great photo's of his that you can check at...
http://www.ivopauls.com
